So, my husband received the news a couple of months ago that he needs to change the error of his ways. This news was delivered by our family doctor and I’m sure the insult to the injury is that this particular news was more or less a recasting of what I’ve been saying for a while now.
It’s not about the weight, it’s about health.
So, I can’t be a big old fatty chowing down on everything I can get my mitts on can I? No. Tempting when I’m annoyed at him, but the short answer is no. I can’t. That’s not right nor is it very spousal and supportive. So I’ve climbed on the band wagon as well.
In order to go forward, I need to back up this crazy train for a moment. I quit smoking two years ago. I put on probably 45 pounds or so, which some would be aghast at, but I take as my golden opportunity to have some T&A for a change. I stand at almost 5’8″ and weighed 110 pounds most of my adult life. You do the math. Healthy? Hell no. I may add, that I strut this good old good old stuff like I’m a supermodel. So now that this illustrious confession has been made, I’ll move on.
I don’t have body image issues. I really embrace all that is me. My main concern is health.
So yesterday, after nursing a back injury for months, I went to a Pilates class. I love Pilates. I really do. But what I used to once do with ease because I was a waif, I now struggle with. I’m okay with the struggle, the struggle is fine. Challenges don’t intimidate me. You know what does? 20 year stick insects. They mean well. I know they do. I once was one.
Some interesting shit happens to women in their 40’s. They own their lives. I mean OWN THEM. We own our looks, our lives, our thoughts and more than anything we own the notion that we can only control our own actions and responses and if you’ve got a problem with them? Oh honey….it’s your problem.
So here I am at this Pilates class at 8AM and wishing to God that it could rain donuts. Instead I got a stick insect instructor who could lift her head and heels simultaneously off the floor. No one likes a show off, Toots. I struggled; and by that I mean I had to come face to face with the realization of who and what I am. A slightly overweight middle aged woman. Let me say that again….a slightly overweight middle aged woman. YOU DAMN RIGHT. But this fact certainly didn’t help in the strength department which required me to lift an extra 45 pounds off the frigging floor.
I rarely wear make up anymore. I dress in a more adult fashion than ever (and by that I mean I really, really like things with a drawstring). And I am beautiful.
Stick insect told me so. It was a magical moment. “For my age”, she rolled her eyes heavenward as if to consult with God on this one, “You are stunning”. Awwwww! Thanks Gidget. That’s cute.
Let me tell you what I am, honey. I am a straight up Goddess. Wanna know why?
Has nothing to do with:
What your perception of beauty is
If my perfume came from the drugstore or from Nordstrom
What clothes are on my back or the labels contained therein
What car I drive
If I have make up on
If I look tired
If I look rested
If I’m overweight, underweight, under a weight
I am beautiful because the world has slammed me several times over and I can still smile. More importantly I can make others smile, which makes me happier than anything else.
At the drop of a hint from a stranger, I could bring a gift to a friend who needed a little extra love today.
I have a husband/daughter/grandson/mother/father/friends who love me
I have a name for every laugh line on my face and by God, that means I laughed a lot
I still shake my money maker while listening to the Rolling Stones and cooking dinner
I open doors for people and help old ladies bring groceries to their cars
I made a Guinness chocolate cake for my neighbor who has cancer
I teach manners to a four year old because I still believe that kindness matters
My friends know unconditionally that I am there for them
I tell my husband I love him every day even on the days I don’t like him
I’ve stayed up countless hours to tend to those I love
I sing……because it gives me joy
I believe in magic
I believe in magic
I believe in magic
And I also believe…………..I should get fries with all of this.
This is what a middle aged woman looks like when faced with a pending Pilates class after royally messing up her back and attempting a hard core core exercise for the first time.#butmymuffintopisadorbs#theyreallgonnalaughatyou #45isthenew45#screwthisimgoingforcoffee