The ultimate dude. Supreme Dudage.
He’s been delivering for my office for 3 years and is utterly fantastic.
I’m a leftie and have the leftie scrawl. It doesn’t work when I sign the delivery handheld hoomagiggy because….I don’t know why -it just doesn’t. So I scrawl SATAN in my drunken toddler writing as the receiving party and he looks at it and says “Shirley Temple. Got it”. I know this because I’ve had customers call and say the package was delivered and signed for by Shirley Temple.
We have an exchange of snark at every meeting. I was eating a salad and took out all of the green olives. Why? Because they are the devil’s fruit, but I do like black olives. As a kid I also wouldn’t eat onions but loved onion rings.
He mocked me. Full frontal mockage.
Here’s the exchange
FedEx Supreme Dudage: Why aren’t you eating your olives
Me: They are the devil’s fruit
FedEx Supreme Dudage: Didn’t you take the blacks ones out?
Me: No! That’s racist. I love black olives.
FedEx Supreme Dudage: But you won’t eat green olives
Me: No. They are evil and insipid
FedEx Supreme Dudage: Isn’t that racist? Profiler. What’s in the bottle?
Me: Who are you? Detective Mills? What’s in the boxxxxx? It’s olive oil FOOL. For food. I use it on salad with sea salt. (All while giving a duh look)
Me: (throws devils fruit at him because I’m mature). If by that you mean elegant, amazing, fun, and eerily intelligent-I accept.
FedEx Supreme Dudage: I meant none of that. Does your husband know you’re demented? Do you like martinis?
Me: Only if they don’t have olives. Or onions. And I fake my own death if I see a dirty martini. My husband not only knows, he loves me anyway. (dropped fork in defiance)
FedEx Supreme Dudage: Good man.
Names have not been changed to protect the innocent because there aren’t any.
#iain’tsorry #nooliveprofiling #whatsinthebox