Conversations with a Neurotic Dog

HH:  Did you hear that?

Me: Hear what?

HH:  That!  That noise.

Me: What noise?

HH:  It sounded like a puff of air.

Me: Yes.  You farted.

HH: I did not.  That’s ridiculous.  Wait!  There it is again!

Me: Blank indifferent stare

Me: That was an entirely different noise.

Me: That was our neighbor shutting their car door.

HH:  BARK BARK BARK SNARL CHOKES ON OWN SALIVA BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK

HH:  BARK BARK BARK COUGH BARK COUGH WHEEZE SNEEZE

HH:  Looks at me in full vindication that she has in fact saved my life

HH:  BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK

Me: You want to eat?

HH: Jumps off of chair in a huff

HH: We are off schedule here Mom.  Obviously, I need to keep my strength up.

HH: Protecting you is hard work.

HH: Glares at me as if I’m the root of all evil

 

This was the first five minutes of my day.

 

 

 

 

 

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