My grandson is getting bigger by the day.  I’m not sure who signed off on this growing up thing but i didn’t; not for him, not for his mother and certainly not for the stranger in the mirror. I saw this stranger naked in the mirror the other day after a shower and when she lifted her arm to put antiperspirant on, the skin on her chest was crepe-y.

And I was all….. OMG that’s so gross. Thank God I’m still 18

And she was all….You’re 47, learn to self soothe

And I was all…what the hell does that mean

And she was all…no wonder millennials hate you. You’re older than dinosaur poop.

She’s right.  I am older than dinosaur poop.

So with the advent of said grandchild’s new house and new room; it’s also time for a new bed. He’s six and has long outgrown any toddler bed which was turned into kindling some time ago. The daybed he’s currently in is getting a little small as well. He’s on the cusp of big boy. His ideas are big, his laugh is big, and so shall his bed be big too.

We’ve ruled out bunk beds as he’s so long and lanky, he’ll outgrow it within a year. After much searching on the internet, we’ve settled on a full size bed WITH matching dresser and nightstand. Glorious me!  This was it! Another milestone in his life is about to be met; pending Wee Baby Child approval, which we received after what was first a dismissive look followed by an enthusiastic thumbs up.

My grandson is very opinionated and some of his opinions are not for the faint of heart. We have begun painting his old bedroom and turn it into an office/library. I’d love to tell you that it will look like a library the likes of which are only seen with an animated, mouthy heroine soaring around on a ladder but in reality it will look more like a couch and three books and probably a decanter of whisky on an end table because…priorities.

In preparation for this bibliophile’s mecca, my husband applied spackle and sanded and primed and painted the walls a glorious ocean shade (thanks Benjamin Moore – Adriatic Sea) and as the dear child visited us, he inquired why. Like a bloody idiot, I explained that when you spackle a wall, you should prime it as well and he literally looked at me with a withering stare and said, “Mmmmhmmmm”.

I’m a little tired of his crap actually, I’m glad he moved out.

He has his whole new life all planned out. We talked about it while I gave him a bath. He is going to two after school programs and has a new neighbor named Marvin who has the same shoes so according to the bylaws of the six year old hand book (Chapter 3, subsection 6, paragraph 5, 2nd sentence -TYVM) this makes them best friends. He is going to have sleepovers and in his vast and extensive knowledge off all things home related he informed me that once I bought his new bed (pretty sure that’s six year old code for get off your duff, lady -also probably in that handbook) that he can have multiple friends sleep over whenever he wants.

“That’s great buddy. Sounds like so much fun.  Do I get to sleep over?”

“No,” he answered, “but my new bed will be big enough to sleep one fat friend and two skinny ones.”

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I write about life as I know it.

4 Comment on “Big Bed Criteria and Other Assorted Sleeping Arrangments

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