HH: Did you hear that? Me: Hear what? HH: That! That noise. Me: What noise? HH: It sounded like a puff of air. Me: Yes. You farted. HH: I did not. That's ridiculous. Wait! There it is again! Me: Blank indifferent stare Me: That was an entirely different noise. Me: That was our neighbor shutting … Continue reading Conversations with a Neurotic Dog
So today we came back to the office after a long holiday weekend. I settled into my daily routine quickly, albeit begrudgingly. I lamented not being independently wealthy and not being a princess. I reviewed emails, worked on projects which I didn't care about on Friday and otherwise made myself productive and useful. They like … Continue reading Stop Oversharing, I Was Only Being Polite
So recently I've gotten this wild hair that I need to repurpose everything. We cleaned our garage recently and I found old louver doors that I plan to make into room dividers. I started working with chalk paint (nod to you Annie Sloan) and spent the weekend dabbing and daubing various areas to get the … Continue reading Creative Monster
You take close up pictures like this (much to her dismay I might add). My dog doesn't care about money or politics or gossip. My dog is an excellent judge of character and if she barks incessantly at you for hours on end it probably means you're an asshole and I should listen to her. … Continue reading When You Like Your Dog More Than the Human Race
I fancy myself a great cook. I know this because my friends call me the Barefoot Contessa who talks smack. I perpetually subject my loved ones to untested recipes demanding to know their thoughts and whether they actually saw Jesus while taking their first bite. If not responded to quickly enough, I say things like … Continue reading I Got Your Plate Right Here…..
I have this thing with music....it's kind of my religion. I'm not disparaging the big guy or any faith or house of worship, but my go to solace is music. My go to inspiration is music. My go to rage queller is music. My happy place is music. My inner soundtrack rocks by the way; it's … Continue reading I Learned the Definition of Irony Yesterday
Ever seen this? Yeah me too. I will readily admit my giggle of delight the first time I saw it referencing Jersey girl 'tude. Since then I have seen it applied to every, and I do mean every person. Wait! I'm not done yet. Every person...and I've seen it for every ethnicity, sports team, hobby, city, state, … Continue reading Talkin’ Dirty
http://nypost.com/2017/06/01/doctors-warns-women-against-putting-wasp-nests-in-their-vaginas/amp/ I don't mean to judge, especially my sisters out there... But are you kidding me? What dipstick looked at this option and said "Hey! This sounds awesome!!!?????..." I'm going back to bed to mourn the collective "DUH" that seems to be running amuck and abroad right now.